Friday, March 4, 2011

Being Overweight VS Skinny Death

Everyone out there who's packing a few extra layers of chunky monkey is going to love this one.


Being overweight means you'll live longer! least longer than all those bony little runway models that you mistake for 13 year-olds (aka Keira Knightly). Now this doesn't mean if your 345lb and only able to bench press a Costco case of Twinkies your going to live longer than Methuselah. But a little bit of chub could just be the ticket for surviving the Proverbial winter.

In a Canadian study, thousands of subjects were studied over the course of 12 years to measure who would bite the big one first. Obviously the super chunks went down first, proving that code red Mountain Dew isn't the Elixir of Life. But surprisingly the subjects considered to be a healthy weight died second. That leaves the third group, the group Ive labeled as the "chubby bunnies", still cute but in a funny, truffle shuffle kinda way. The reason for the third group outliving the rest comes down to a thing called "stress tolerance". When your sick and under stress your body has fat reserves to feed off of so the rest of your body doesn't pay the price. So maybe instead of taking that evening run with a water and energy bar, you'll settle in for a nice evening of Jersey Shore and real beer.

Your Welcome :)

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Internet Vs Dementia?

     According to a new study done by UCLA, pointlessly surfing the internet for hours on end may actually have a positive effect other than increasing our already impressive collection of failblog videos. According to the study, spending time surfing the internet actually has a hand in fighting off dementia.

    The study was conducted on older people (im assuming because the study was originally intended to see how long it took old people to realize that the illuminated devil box sitting before them wasn’t just a poltergeist waiting to suck in the souls of today’s youth). The key factor in this was rapid exposure to new information. If you’ve ever typed in anything in Google at least 768409338949058 pages come up with results with the exact information you need multiplied by an infinity of information you don’t.

The result?

     It gives your brain insane superhuman power strong enough to fight off the illness that makes grandpa forget to wear pants when he power walks around the shopping mall with his imaginary civil war buddy singing the tooth paste radio-jingles from the 40’s.

    What about the rest of us? Well apparently old folks aren’t the only ones benefiting from the condensation of civilization because “wasting” time on the internet actually benefits everyone. The rapid exposure to new information stimulates the brain and increases neuron activity. So by finding unexpected information that you encounter on various sites, your brain is constantly reacting to the overload of new information and keeps it in shape, saving it from becoming dilapidated vegetable mush (the opposite effect of anything on VH1).

    So thank you UCLA for giving all of us an excuse to ignore our jobs, loved ones, …hygiene. And continue to spend our precious waking moments finding out just how many different angles there are to Kim Kardashians butt.

The Beginning of the End

Welcome to the end of the world...or at lease what is soon to be the end. My name is Jiggs and from this moment on I will be your guide to the absurd, ridiculous, hilarious, and the insanity that surrounds us.

This is Jiggs Vs World.....who's side will you choose?